apathy?

I have been away from the blog "scene" for a while now, I have over 200 unread items on google reader and haven't even read my favorite blogs. I must be very busy you say, the upcoming month pretty much determines whether I get honors or not but not to this extent.

I have just been extremely apathetic towards uni work and many others things. It mostly has to do with me catching up with "C" again. Her story is a very long one but lets just say I used to have feelings for her. We haven't spoken in about 1.5 years and just recently I ran into her in uni and we caught up, I think that was a big mistake.
I don't like to talk about the details but I think I need to cut her off my life once and for all, she usually does good by disappearing for months without a single message but I think I need to make it clear I never want to hear from her again. My weakness in confronting people doesn't help but wish me luck.

OR the whole thing might be due to what I term "mid-life crises" since I just turned 24.. hahaha

On relationships

A few incidents that I've experienced in the past few days made me think even more about relationships and girlfriends. I hate talking about this topic, but hey this is what a blog is for after all.

I have seen a couple I know do the walk of shame in front of me(I was talking on the phone in the hallway not like waiting or something). Then I heard that another person I know got intimate to her so-called boyfriend. And finally, while driving back from uni I saw another guy I know with his blonde girlfriend. All of them Muslims.

Why I am single hmm. I mean, I have been feeling lonely for a very long time, add this to my normal "depression" and you see what I mean. I am not trying to act like haram police, let those people do whatever they please. But all this got me thinking that I somehow envy those people. They got someone to talk to, share with, hang out with. I am not being a hypocrite by saying I wouldn't want a companion because am religious bla bla. Unfortunately, my first criteria of any potential "girls" that I think of is "is she marriage material" and 99.99% are no (after I turned off my slef-loathing and low-confidence filters).

Either way, my last (and only) relationship was ... pretty bad and I think I ended up much worse than what I am not so in the end am not missing much.

To conclude, I need to get married... :D